Dear College Student,
I know, I know. Finals are coming up, and you're stressed. You’ve started to spend a majority of your time studying. Frantically you calculate the grade you need to earn on your final to pass the class with an A. You walk into office hours or email your professors asking for extra credit. You’ll do anything for that A. Sleep is no longer a necessity, but a rare luxury. Coffee keeps you running, and you joke that you could go for an IV drip with caffeine. Bags tattoo the area beneath your eyes. You haven't showered in a couple of days; you don't have the time. None of these things matter though because pain is temporary and GPA is forever right? Wrong. Put down that notebook, close the textbook, and shut down your computer. Stand up. Put on your shoes, gather your friends, and go for a walk, take the time to enjoy the fresh air. Make a home cooked meal or go out to dinner. Just take a break, studying can wait. I bet you think I'm crazy, don't you? You're probably going "does she even know what she's talking about?" Well, the answer is yes. In a few years, you and the people you have spent your last four-ish years with will be walking across the stage to receive a diploma you have spent years working towards. After some of you may continue with graduate or professional school and others of you will start your career. One thing is sure; you will never have as much time together as you do right now. In a few years when you've gone your separate ways, you're not going to look back and say, "I wish I would have stayed in and studied instead of going out to dinner with everyone for Sara's birthday." All I’m saying is, take a break. You owe it to yourself. Another school year is wrapping up and soon your time will be over. Don’t spend so much time studying that you forget to enjoy life. Who cares if you have to retake a class here or there, in the end, all that matters is you finish, and you make unforgettable memories along the way. Sincerely, Another College Student Reminding Herself to Enjoy the Ride
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“A beautiful woman uses her lips for truth, her voice for kindness, her ears for compassion, her hands for charity, and her heart for love.” ~Unknown Throughout these past few weeks, I have experienced this little tugging on my heart. I can’t say for sure what this tugging means, but I can only guess it’s God telling me to slow down. Lately, I’ve been so wrapped up in my schoolwork and my social life that I’ve forgotten to take time for myself.
For someone who has spent months learning to love myself, time spent to myself each day is crucial. Not only is this alone time essential for my mental health, but it's also important for me to have healthy relationships with others. When I don't take time for myself, I feel worn out, and I become a lesser version of the woman I know I am. When I neglect myself, I find that instead of kind and fun I turn bitter and short. My sarcastic eye roll becomes a little more serious. My voice is no longer as kind. My ears listen without compassion. My hands fall short when it comes to charity work. However, the thing that saddens me the most is the change that takes place in my heart. Each day I strive to be someone who overflows with love for others, but when I fail to take proper care of myself, I find myself slipping up. For those of you that know me personally, you know I am not a bitter person. I speak fluent sarcasm, but I’m not bitter. I try to refrain from gossip and speak kind words. Each person was created in a beautiful and unique way providing them with different abilities. I can often be heard giving pep talks to others because I don’t like to see them doubting themselves. When I listen, I strive to listen to others with compassion. In a noisy world, it can be hard to listen sometimes. Whether we are having a conversation with a family member, a friend, or a significant other listening is difficult. Often when we try to listen, we only listen to respond. We forget that not everything requires a response; sometimes an ear to listen is all that is needed. My hands strive to do charity work. I am someone who has always loved to volunteer and help others out. Need me to play with puppies, do craft projects with kids, or clean out horse stalls? Okay, count me in! (Yes, I have cleaned out horse stalls before as a service project. No, it wasn't fun, but the owners of the stables greatly appreciated it, so I did it with a smile.) Lastly, I strive to use my heart to love. Now, this doesn't mean I fall in love with everyone I see. In fact, I don't. However, I hope to show the love of Christ to others. Just as God loved everyone; I want to do the same. Love is the most basic human need of all so don't be afraid to give it freely. When people look at me, I hope they see the woman I know that I am capable of being. I desire to be the one that builds others up instead of tearing them down. I want others to be able to come to me. Many of you may feel the same way I do. You want others to see you as a woman that holds compassion for others, that speaks truth and kindness, serves and loves others. However, being a woman is hard, and we don't always live up to the expectations we set for ourselves. Why? It's not because we don't want to, most often it's because we work so hard at being that woman, we forget for us to be that woman we need to take care of ourselves in the process. Being a woman is hard. Don't make it more difficult by not taking care of yourself. You have so much to offer, but you can’t give without first giving to yourself. As some of you might have already known, today is International Women’s Day! A day dedicated to celebrating women and calling on the masses to create a better world for everyone. One of my favorite songs is “Do Something” by Matthew West. Throughout the song, it continually states “I said ‘God why don’t you do something?” He said ‘I did, I created you!’”
Often there are things in our life we don't like and deem to be unfair. Some of us may become angry at the universe or God. However, we were never called to live like this. We were called to do better, to be the good of this world. As I sit typing this, there are women and girls all across our world and country who are living trapped as a victim of violence. If you look at different numbers, you begin to see the oppression of women across the world. According to the International Labour Organization, there are an estimated 20.9 million victims of human trafficking globally with 55% of them being women and girls. In Niger literacy rates are estimated to be only 11% for women. Data collected from 160 countries estimates that literacy rate for women globally is 82.2%, meaning that at least 17.8% of women worldwide cannot read. In 2012, Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman for demanding that girls receive an education. Less than 100 years ago, in 1920, the 19th amendment was passed in the United States allowing women the right to vote. Worse yet, it wasn’t until 2015 when women in Saudi Arabia were allowed to vote or run for office. So what can we do? The first thing to do when fixing any problem is recognizing there is a problem. Oppression of women around the world is a problem, and human trafficking is a public health problem. We can't go on believing this world is great when nearly half of the worldwide population is oppressed based solely on gender. Next, we can be vocal about it. By using our voices, we show the world what we believe in. God created each one of us to stand up for something different in this world. He gave us a purpose and told us to do something; now we must be willing to take the first step in a new direction. Be bold, step into change. P.S. – Don’t forget the amazing accomplishments of women like Rosa Parks, Marie Curie, and Susan B. Anthony among many others. Don’t know who I’m talking about? I suggest you look it up. “I don’t like rejection.”
For the past hour I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop and scrolling aimlessly through the internet hoping I would find some inspiration to write when I overheard two women next to me speaking. At one point one of the women said, “I don’t like rejection.” Although they were most likely discussing relationships, her words started to make me think. For most of us whenever someone talks about rejection we automatically think of relationships with others, however we don’t usually think about rejection and the relationship we have with ourselves in the same context. Although I believe we should. Throughout the past two months, I’ve spent a majority of my time focusing on bettering myself and working to make 2017 a good year. I have made self-love a priority. I decided at the beginning of 2017 that this year would not be like 2016 and the years before. This year will be different. I have spent years rejecting myself and hiding who I was in an attempt to please others. However, this year I have started to embrace who I am and what I stand for. I have learned to set boundaries and stick to them. I have learned to say “no” and not worry about needing an explanation. Instead of rejecting what I feel, I listen to myself and trust my gut. Most of all, I’ve learned how to love myself. It’s a beautiful thing because now I no longer move through my day with hardly enough energy to get dressed and brush my teeth. I spend more time studying and going out with friends. I work out almost daily (and usually end up eating ice cream after). I laugh until my belly hurts and a genuine smile can be found on my face nearly all the time. I’ve learned to love myself and make the decision to continue choosing recovery each day. Don’t get me wrong, there are days I still struggle. However, those days are rare and when they occur I don’t try to fight them. I accept them for what they are and continue on with my day allowing myself grace. I have learned that when you stop rejecting yourself, life becomes much brighter. Yes, it’s hard to do as we are taught from the day we are born that there is something wrong with us and we must change it, but that’s not true. We are all created in the image of God and He sees each one of us as perfect. So instead of constantly rejecting ourselves, how about we start to love ourselves again? Stop rejecting the perfect creation God made you and thank Him for all that you are. The last few weeks I have stepped away from my computer to reflect on the past year. I tried numerous times to write a piece in which I was able to describe my feelings as the New Year approached. Instead, I failed multiple times. Today, I have succeeded.
2016 turned my life turned upside down. At first, it was terrifying, but now looking back I needed my life to turn upside down. Without the hardships throughout the past year, I would have never learned so much about myself and the world around me. Over and over I asked myself what I had learned, and I came up with seventeen lessons, all equally important.
It is currently 6:02 a.m. and I am sitting on the floor reading through the comments many of you left on my post, “This is My Letter to You,” from last week. It is the first day of winter break for me and last night I started my journey back to the town I once called home. I am not all the way there, but that is not important.
I am awake because of nightmares and anxiety that the town causes me. This visit will be my longest stay back and if it like any of the others, it will be hard. Before I left my new city, my therapist and I developed a plan for me to make it through the visit. It includes different coping practices she has taught me and therapy sessions while I am back on this visit. While those coping methods and therapy sessions are incredibly helpful, they do not compare to the healing powers of writing. Although I had previously written a post for today that would answer the question many of you asked after last week’s post, I have decided to save it for next week. I need to express my sincere appreciation for all of you first. For the past week and a half, I have been unable to put into words how grateful I am for the support you all have shown me. I have received more comments, private messages, phone calls, snap chats, texts, and emails than I can keep track of and for each one I am incredibly grateful. I did my best to respond to each one, but if I missed any of you I am deeply sorry. I am human, and I am not perfect by any means. Admittedly, whenever I share my stories I cannot help but feel a slight bit uncomfortable. When I share, I am exposing fresh wounds and old scars for others to see. Whenever I click the word “Publish,” I do not know who will go on to read what I have written and how they will respond. So far, the response has been overall positive. A few have questioned my decision to open these parts of myself up, and although I value their input, I do not allow myself to live according to what they believe is best. I write about the real and honest struggles I have faced to help those like me. As a society, we have become accustomed to the idea of keeping our struggles private and our highlights public. I have done it, you have done it; we all have done it. Over time this has created a problem which I like to call the “Not Good Enough” problem. Each day our eyes see the best parts of other's lives, and it often leads to comparison. Suddenly, our highlights seem more like low points and our low points look like a group of rats drowning in the sewer. The fact of the matter is, this is not how it was supposed to be. We were not supposed to compare every waking minute of our lives to the few brief seconds others post on social media and yet we do. For years social media had me believing I was the only one who struggled when that was far from the truth. It was when I realized finally realized I was not the only one that I decided to live a little differently. I decided to be open and stop hiding the struggles I have faced and continue to face. I do this in writing because that is the only way I know how. I do this to let others know they are not alone and to help them have hope. I do this because I wish someone would have done it when I was in my darkest hour. This being said you are the ones that make this possible. You have given me a platform greater than I could ever imagine. You read, like, and share my posts. Your kind words often leave me in happy tears. So thank you, I appreciate every one of you, and it is because of you I continue to write. "I know that you're sad, so I won't tell you 'have a good day.' Instead, I advise you to simply 'have a day.' Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet. It'll be better soon. Until then, have a day." -Unknown “Have a great day!”
This well-meaning comment slips from the mouths of many each day with innocence (Including my own on occassion). Many times those hearing the words are delighted and grateful. After all, encouraging someone to have a good day, what is the harm in that? Honestly, there is no harm. Now, you may be confused to where this is headed, and I don't blame you. However, allow me to tell you. First of all, this post is not meant to condemn those who say, “Have a great day.” On the other hand, it is not intended to make you start saying, "Have a bad day." This post is simply to encourage you to think. Earlier this spring, I found a quote that read, “I know you’re sad, so I won’t tell you ‘have a good day.’ Instead, I advise you to simply, ‘have a day.’ Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don’t give up on yourself just yet. It’ll be better soon. Until then, have a day.” For the next few weeks, the idea of encouraging someone to have a day would not leave my head. Finally, it felt like someone understood what living with different mental illnesses felt like. Living with depression, days are at times long and may leave you feeling worn out. Living with anxiety, any happy days are often filled with uncontrollable worry that something is going to go wrong and bad days having you feeling like a disappointment. You see, sometimes hearing the words, "Have a good day," is like having a soccer ball drop kicked into your face from five feet away. In the back of our minds, we know the person meant well, but anxiety tells us that we are a letdown for not having a good day. Depression joins in to put us back into a cycle of constantly not feeling good enough. So those well-meaning words have turned into something much more complicated than they were ever meant to be. Personally, I’ve started to find myself encouraging people to simply “Have a day,” more than I find myself telling them to “Have a good day.” Some may call me insensitive, but let them say that. When I encourage someone to “Have a day,” I actually become more sensitive to their feelings than when I tell them to “Have a good day.” By telling someone to “Have a day,” you allow room for them to embrace their feelings exactly as they are on that day. Personally, when people tell me to “Have a good day,” I ignore the word “good.” Some days are not good, and that is okay. By learning to reframe this common saying, I've noticed that my mood has improved. No longer do I feel like the grip depression has had on me for so long controls me and keeps me from having a good day. My anxiety is not as high as it used to be on my good days and doesn’t leave me feeling like a disappointment when I’m having a bad day. My hope is that I’ve given you a glimpse of how a slight variation in wording can change someone’s mood. It may seem strange at first, but say it to yourself for a few days. See if your mood changes in a positive way. For now, have a day. We all have those times when we just need a pep talk. Whether we find ourselves strapped for cash and don't know how we are going to pay the rent or we are worried about the health of a family member, life gets tough sometimes. If you are a college student like me, finals are approaching, and you spend all of your time studying. This week, I have decided to do something a little different. I began to write daily devotionals on top of all of my studying, so instead of writing a regular blog post this week I thought I would share one of my favorite videos. Robby Novak, otherwise known as Kid President, is a young boy who spreads positivity and joy with his videos. Watching his videos can brighten your day and allow you to catch your breath. He encourages "being awesome" and can be seen dancing throughout all of his videos. This week, I will share his video titled "A Pep Talk From Kid President to You," down below. I hope you enjoy! Where do you start when trying to write a Thanksgiving post? If you have any ideas, please let me know, and I'll keep it in mind for next year! For now, let’s just jump right into it!
This past year has been filled with its fair share of emotions. From extreme lows to exciting highs, I have multiple ways I could reflect back on the different recent events of my life. However, this year I have decided to respond with thankfulness. If you’ve been following my blog for the past few months, you are familiar with my life and may question the stance I’ve chosen to take. This year has not been easy by any means. I recognize that, and I've shared that. Tears have filled my eyes more times than I can count, and I've often felt defeated. It hurts more than words can describe, but for it I am thankful. Shocked? So am I. When I originally planned this post, I was going to write about my family and friends. In fact, up until the point, I started to type that was my full intent. My fingers started grazing the keyboard and words began to form, but they weren't what I was expecting. All of a sudden instead of mentioning my family and friends I was discussing how thankful I was for my struggles of the past year. Crazy right? Don't get me wrong I am thankful beyond words for my family and friends. Throughout the year, I've learned who my real friends are. They've stood by me at my darkest of times and loved me despite my broken pieces. From friends randomly showing up at my house when I am having an extremely rough day to family calling me just to say hi, I have the most amazing support system. Without my support system and the good Lord above, I don’t know where I would be today. So to all of you, thank you. As many of you know, in the past year I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. All of which, I’ve silently struggled with for years. There were days when I didn’t think I would be able to live any longer. Then there were the nights (and still are the nights) when I relive my sexual assault. I won't lie; it sucks, and I do wish I never had to experience any of it. However, this is my life, and I can't run away from myself. I could choose to be bitter and full of hate, but that would solve nothing. Instead, I will choose to be thankful. I am thankful for my struggles just not in the same way some of you may think. I can guarantee you that you’re not going to hear me saying I’m glad I struggle with mental illnesses or have been sexually assaulted. I know just as well as you do, that being happy about those things would be rather messed up. However, these struggles have given me incredible opportunities that I could have never imagined. For starters, talk about this blog. Ever since I have been young, I’ve always loved to write. When I was in my lowest point this past year, I wrote daily in my journal. Eventually, I decided that I wanted to speak out. I choose to speak out not for myself, but for others. I wanted to let others know they were not alone. I had silently struggled for so long that I became convinced I was the only one who struggled. I didn't want to be seen as weak, so I stayed quiet. Once I sought help, I realized I wasn’t the only one. It took a while, but eventually with the help of my therapist; I became brave enough to make my struggles public. It was terrifying. I wasn’t sure how people would react and was afraid they would now see me as some crazy girl. I could never have prepared myself for the amount of love that was soon to follow. Over the months, I’ve been given the incredible opportunity to speak to classmates and total strangers about different mental illnesses. On October 6th, I was fortunate enough to share my story of sexual assault with nearly 500 people. I am currently involved in a group that advocates the end of domestic and sexual violence. Without my experiences, these opportunities would never be the same. Sure, I could still be a part of these events, but it would not have the same effect. It's like being told not to text and drive by someone who has never experienced any trauma because of it. Of course, you nod and say you would never do it, but then a few days later you keep doing it. Months later you hear a mother talk about how her daughter was killed because of texting and driving. Your skin becomes filled with goosebumps and from then on you vow to never text and drive again. When you hear from someone with a personal attachment to the issue at hand, everything starts to become more meaningful. I feel the same way with my personal story. From the outside looking in, my story isn’t beautiful by any means. It’s made of dark and ugly pieces hardly sticking together. I’ve learned to make it beautiful though because of what it has given me. My struggles have caused me to develop more bravery, strength, and confidence than I could ever imagine. I’ve grown as a person and the feisty little girl I have always been once again resurfaced. So no, I’m not thankful for my struggles themselves. I’m thankful for all they have given me. They’ve molded me into a strong independent woman. I’ve become an advocate to stop the stigma surrounding mental illnesses and violence. My blog has allowed me to inspire people around the world. For these things I am thankful. Now I want to take a moment to thank my readers. As I have acknowledged before, this life is hard, and I would never choose it. Sometimes it makes me want to quit writing. However, I feel it would be wrong of me to stop. Not only is writing a huge passion of mine, but my work has started to inspire others. When I started this blog, I honestly didn’t think anyone would read it. After all, who would want to read about a girl with what some would call a "messed up" life? You've proved me wrong, though; it turns out people don't think I'm as crazy as I convinced myself I was. So thank you. Thank you for your kind words and for sharing my blog with your family and friends. I wish there was a way for me to personally express to each and every one of you how thankful I am for all of your support. What are you thankful for? Let me know in the comments! Much love, Bri Dear Depression, I feel you. Throughout the past month, you’ve been creeping in again slowly but surely. Your filthy grip is attempting to hold me down. You’re like the one fly that I can’t seem to kill. There are days when I think you’ve flown away and other days I can’t keep you away from me. Throughout the years you’ve hit me in waves. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d see my 17th birthday, but I did. I went on to see my 18th and 19th birthday. Now, I’ll be damned if I don’t see my 20th, 21st, and 22nd birthdays and all of my birthdays after that. You cause me to sleep all day and night or don’t allow me to sleep at all. Simple things like going to eat or showering become difficult. I’ve even started to leave my door unlocked throughout the day so that in the event I fall asleep; my friend can come wake me up to get food. Missing Bible study and support group has become a habit instead of a rare occurrence. I go to class looking like a zombie and count the minutes until it is over. When asked if I’m still swimming, I laugh. I haven’t been in the pool in over three weeks. If I’m having a difficult time just trying to eat and shower, what makes you think I can swim laps for an hour every day? My clothes hamper is overflowing with dirty laundry. Each day I look into my closet and see the dirty heap of colors before trying to convince myself I’ll take care of it today. Dirty dishes sit staring at me waiting to be washed, but one look and I go back to bed. Remember my speech three weeks ago? I'm sure you do depression; you filled me that day and had me in tears. It's a miracle that I didn't break down in front of the class. Oh, and let me remind you about the church bonfire on Halloween weekend. We all danced and sang, and I was having a wonderful time, but for a few brief minutes, you hit me. The song changed, and that's when it happened. Quietly, I got up and went to the restroom for a few minutes while tears streamed down my face. Now, my body is full of excitement for upcoming events, but you keep telling me to cancel. You say that I'll just get hurt. Things will never work, so why try? You're the dark storm cloud that appears in the middle of a young child's birthday party. In this case, I'm the child, and it's my birthday you're trying to ruin. Some tell me to turn to my faith, and I'll be okay. Believe me; I am, but unless they’ve experienced this for themselves they simply do not understand. Others refuse to believe I live with you. Surely you can't suffer from depression if you smile at others and always make others laugh? Maybe they are right. Maybe I don't need to go to therapy. Maybe I don't need to be medicated. Maybe I'd be fine without all of it; maybe I'm just crazy. But I'm not willing to risk the maybes. So depression, this isn't a love letter to you. It's me wanting to break up with you. All I ask is that you release your grip on me. Let me live apart from you. Let me thrive. You've been a part of my life for so long now, and I think it is about time we go our separate ways. I won't give you the stereotypical, "it's not you it's me" line because it is you. I'm not the problem here, you are. I don't love you, in fact, who could? You make life a living hell for all of those that suffer from your grip. Even the so-called "lucky ones" who are considered high functioning don't love you. So move along, you're not welcome here. Sincerely, Someone Who Has Never Loved You "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." If you or someone you know may be suffering from depression or any other form of mental illness please seek help. There is hope. I am not providing any sort of professional expertise here, but I have included important phone numbers below.
In the case of immediate danger dial 911. US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433 Crisis Helpline (Any form of crisis) 800-233-4357 |
AuthorHello everyone, I'm Bri! Here you can find me writing about life in order to help provide you with encouragement and hope. Want to find out more about me? Go visit my "About Me" page! Happy reading! Archives
April 2017
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